I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
