Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
