McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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