he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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