2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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