Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize