Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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