Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
