is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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