Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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