He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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