My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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