My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You need Xanax blowdarts
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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