Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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