Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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