try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
