3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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