No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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