I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
