New low: just hacked my moms facebook
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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