I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
