wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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