It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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