Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
