Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
