My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
