I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is wine microwaveable?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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