Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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