I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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