I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
