I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize