Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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