you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize