Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.