Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
