Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
