I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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