Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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