is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
