i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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