We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
