Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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