Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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