I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
