It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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