whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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