chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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