i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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