Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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