I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
