Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize