You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
jump out the window naked night went bad
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
