Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
