is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
