Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
