Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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