Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
