her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
