the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
