I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
