i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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