My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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