I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
high people should be assigned attendants
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
