why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
